connecting in difficulty
This is a post about our shared humanity. About connection, and the power of enabling one to bring their full self to whatever moment they are in even if that moment is difficult.
Perhaps it is an acknowledgement of the power that is within each of us to influence the lives of others… or hopefully, to influence the potential outcomes for the future.
But it is a post that is filled with pain, and, I hope, Hope.
Today, I’m finding myself caught in an almost debilitating sense of sadness… and yet, and I know that many of you reading this would feel this too, as parents, as partners, as leaders, as those that simply have no choice, we have to find the sense of balance so that we can go on and do what must be done.
Sharing our common humanity has never been more important. It has the power to help connect and overcome differences, to build mutual goals… And HOW we do this matters as well… for it can influence those around us…
some do not want to be reminded of pain and will denigrate and harshly judge those that share theirs;
some will ‘superhero’ in and try to rescue (with good intention) but effectively send messages that ‘you are not strong enough’;
some will provide platitudes – sayings of ‘it will be alright’, or ‘you will get through this’, but effectively diminishing the impact of their pain on their lives;
the hardest approach to pain, is to bear witness… in the cold hard light of day, and simply be there in the present moment with it - and with the hope that you won’t be blinded by the injustice of the pain (in the world, in your situation, in your body, in your friend, etc.), but will be able to see what can, and can’t, be done.
Bearing witness… it somehow provides a nobility to those in pain, whom we serve. In the discerning nature of witness, there is both awareness and acceptance, and you can see and accept the pain that is, and not look away as though that pain were something to be ashamed of… It helps, I think, to realise that pain will afflict us all, at some point in our lives.
I guess what I am writing is that while I know that there are massive events occurring in our world, events that are creating pain and suffering that, frankly, I know I have had the privilege to not have to have endured….I am still feeling fear. I am feeling overwhelmed because two of my friends...a couple, one of whom has just discovered they have cancer, and one of whom is being, in my mind, a heroic partner and parent as they face a future of all the pains and hopes and fears that chemo, and pain and grief and loss and struggle and feelings of inadequacy and striving that may be in front of them.
And in bearing witness to their shared pain and hope, I realise my own unresolved pain and hope about losses that I have faced, and will face, and the losses of so many in the world right now.
I think we all have the pains and wounds to our souls that we do not share… but may be triggered by, at times, events that catch us unawares.
Be kind people.
Don’t judge.
Pay attention to your response to another’s pain. It can trigger your own – and this shared pain can either cause us to pull away and disengage, or, if we are able, it can give us the strength to help them bear witness.
I hope for you, the awareness, the acceptance and the strength to be your best self.
With Insight,
James
