Part 4: The weight of Avoidance
Overcoming Inertia to Move Forward on the Insightful Path
In our work lives, many of us learn the wisdom of pragmatism. “Choose your battles.” “Don’t die in a ditch over this.”These mantras serve as guardrails, helping us navigate a complex, high-stakes world without burning out. But what happens when these strategies become habits? When a survival mechanism calcifies into a worldview?
The dark side of avoidance is subtle, but its effects are profound. What begins as a necessary boundary to protect our energy can harden into a psychological distance—not just from our work, but from the very things we care about most. It’s as if we anesthetize our hearts, cutting ourselves off from the emotional currents that connect us to meaning, purpose, and the people around us.
This avoidance takes its toll. Maintaining this non-caring stance isn’t neutral; it’s draining.
Image was AI generated using DALL-E, Open AI’s image generation model
It’s like a floating mass of algae, obscuring the surface of a pond. The energy required to sustain this defensive posture clouds our ability to see clearly—to discern what’s truly happening in the present moment. And without that clarity, how can we respond skillfully to the challenges before us?
Connection, by contrast, is a critical ingredient for navigating complexity. In today’s VUCA world—volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous—connection is often the foundation for effective collaboration. This isn’t just feel-good advice; it’s borne out by research across disciplines.
Adam Kahane, who has facilitated some of the world’s most high-conflict peace processes, points out that the success of these efforts hinges not on finding immediate solutions but on cultivating connection between the parties involved. Solutions emerge from relationship, not the other way around (2017). Similarly, John and Julie Gottman’s groundbreaking work on interpersonal conflict reveals that in intimate relationships, the stated source of conflict is often just a surface issue. The real work lies in repairing the connection between the individuals in conflict (2018).
This principle has a broader resonance. Connection isn’t just a tool for resolving disputes—it’s a way of being that anchors us in the present moment. Yet when we cloak our hearts in detachment, we cut ourselves off from this vital force. As Dressler writes,
“Anesthetizing ourselves to the world of emotions requires a huge amount of energy and disables us from understanding what is truly happening in the room. We cannot tend the fire if we cannot feel the intensity of its heat. We cannot be in service to human struggle if we have isolated ourselves from the fundamental quality of what it means to be human.”
To remain present, to collaborate effectively, to truly care—these require us to unclench, to let go of the reflexive armour we’ve built up. Detachment may feel safe, but connection is where the real work—and the real rewards—lie.
As we move forward in our work and our lives, perhaps the question to hold is not just “What’s the solution?” but “How can I deepen the connection here?”
That, after all, is where clarity and transformation begin.
As you move through your day, pause and ask yourself: Am I focused on solutions, or on connection? True clarity often emerges not from fixing the problem, but from fostering deeper understanding and trust. What would it mean to bring your whole self—curious, open, and present—into your interactions? At Insightful Path, we believe the journey to meaningful connection starts with small, intentional steps. Why not take one today? Lean into connection and discover where the path leads.
